I’m not afraid of burnout… I’m afraid of self-doubt.
Humans are frail creatures. I am reminded of this not because of physical limitations, but how easily I am waylaid by my thoughts. Like yesterday, for instance, I felt restless and found myself staring out the window more often than usual. If I had to diagnose myself, I’d say these feelings aren’t symptomatic of burnout; it’s self-doubt.
When you pursue something BIG like the LSAT, I think many of us try to shut out negative thoughts. Negativity can take many forms. It can be a green monster that is jealous of others who have already accomplished bigger and better things. A broken mirror that reflects your imperfections and bad habits. A vain lion that is secretly terrified of other’s opinions and perceptions. It could even be a talisman-waving monk chanting about your potential: your parents were dead wrong, he says, you’re not destined for great things!
Or, it could be a little voice that whispers into your ear when no one is around, “You’re going to fail.”
I usually push these thoughts away by doing busy work, but I thought I would try casting a bright light on them today. To see them for what they are. It’s been a while, but I was visited by all of these mental monstrosities yesterday. They had me backed into a corner, and nearly pushed me into submission. A small part of me agreed with their brutal honesty. The wall calendar saved me. It reminded me I’m going to take the LSAT in just 3 weeks and that I don’t have time to mope about my feelings. But for anyone else feeling this way, just know you’re not alone.
So what will I be doing with this precious remaining time? For one, I will stop indulging the monsters in my head. Second, I am going to challenge myself to do my best. That means that until Sept 30, I will strive to read one more passage, do one more game, and do one more question with the mindset that yes, HELL TO THE YES, all this hard work will pay off. When I begin my LSAT on October 1st, I’m going to be ready.
P.S. If you haven’t read it already, Blueprint’s Matt recently wrote a blog post about maintaining one’s prep schedule. His advice is enlightening, as usual. The best part? He says twenty some days is enough to improve one’s score. Click his name to go directly to the post.
- LR’s top 5 LSAT resources (downthelegalrabbithole.wordpress.com)
- 44 days and counting: how times flies when you’re not…studying (downthelegalrabbithole.wordpress.com)
- words of (LSAT) wisdom (downthelegalrabbithole.wordpress.com)